


Love In the Time of Comic Con

by eternaleponine



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Clexa Week 2019, F/F, Only One Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2019-11-06 17:46:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17944256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaleponine/pseuds/eternaleponine
Summary: Lexa has been working on the same show for a three years, and this year she has a new costar, Clarke, who she has an undeniable connection to, on and off screen.Facing an entire weekend of press, panels, autographs, and everthing else that goes along with the biggest convention of the year is enough to deal with without their young costars Aden, Madi, and Charlie conspiring against them.When Madi offers to trade rooms with them so they can be a little farther from the hustle and bustle, they accept.  They should have known that the offer was too good to be true...(Inspired bythis post.)





	1. Chapter 1

The intercom on the bus crackled, jerking Lexa's attention from the palm trees waving in the breeze as they inched down the highway.

"As I'm sure you've all noticed, we've hit some traffic." There were a few chuckles, probably from people who didn't actually have to do anything other than show up. Lexa rolled her eyes and waited for the member of the production team that was responsible for wrangling cast members for duration of the con to get to the point. "And we're running behind schedule. So what else is new, right?"

That got a few more laughs, and even Lexa smirked a little. They had originally been scheduled to get in yesterday, a full day ahead of the start of the convention, which would have given them time to settle in, relax, ease into things. Then bad weather had forced them to make changes to the shooting schedule, and it had been decided that it would be more cost effective (read: cheaper) and less damaging to the overall production timeline to change their flights than to finish shooting the episode they were working on after they were back on set. 

What hadn't been factored in was the possibility of flight delays, and traffic, and the toll all of it would have on those who were going into a situation where they had to be "on" basically twenty-four seven for three days straight. 

No one had even asked them for their feelings about the situation. 

Not that that was anything new. 

Lexa loved her job. She did. Most of the time. But sometimes she felt like she was just a cog in a machine, and while the squeaky wheel might get the grease, sometimes a part that caused too much trouble just got ripped out and replaced. And when you worked on a show that might as well have the tag line: Anyone Can Die (And Probably Will), it wouldn't even be hard to justify it. 

She twisted her finger in the chain of the necklace she'd been given by one of her costars when she'd left the show the previous season, one of many casualties from the original cast. There were only three of them left from season one at this point, and while new faces could help keep things fresh, having to start over, building new relationships both on screen and off, got exhausting. Lexa found herself constantlyjuggling the need to forge a connection with her coworkers with the need to protect herself from losing more people that she'd come to care about. Because every on-screen death was an off-screen loss, and sure, she could still call them, Skype them, meet up with them if they happened to be in the same place at the same time, but it wasn't the same. 

"Anyway, we should arrive at the hotel with just enough time to get our rooms sorted out and freshen up a little before we have to head over to the convention hall. We'll be doing a round of press first – primarily large group interviews, some smaller-group ones for more specialized media outlets, but those are mostly on other days – and then the panel is at five. Any of you who have a tendency to get hangry, make sure to grab a snack ahead of time." 

Aden leaned across the aisle to poke Lexa's arm. "You know he's talking about _you_ ," he teased. 

Lexa raised an eyebrow. "Did you know that it only takes as much force to bite through a finger as a baby carrot?" she asked. "Something to think about before you consider whether you want to poke me again." 

When they'd first met, he might have been intimidated. Now he just grinned at her, and after a few seconds of trying to glare convincingly, she grinned back. After three seasons of playing siblings, it was pretty much inevitable that you started to feel – and act – like them, too. Aden's mom had once told her, way back in season one, that when Aden was maybe two or three he'd asked for a big brother or sister. He'd been quite put out when she'd told him that that wasn't possible. "Thank you for giving him what I couldn't," she'd said. 

Aden pointed, and Lexa was about to grab his finger to keep him from jabbing her in the shoulder again, but he shook his head, and she realized he was pointing past her to Charlie, who was sitting on her other side, picking at the beads that dotted the skirt of her dress. Lexa nodded to Aden and angled her body toward the younger girl, who reminded her more than a little of herself when she'd first started working. 

"Nervous?" she asked. 

Charlie shrugged, but continued fidgeting and tugging at her hem, trying to get it to cover her knobby knees, which at first Lexa thought were smudged with dirt, but then realized they were covered in bruises. Lexa guessed that most of them were probably from the stunt work they'd been doing in the last few days on set (knee pads could only do so much), but some of them were probably just because 11-year-olds weren't exactly the most graceful or coordinated creatures. 

"You'll be fine," Lexa said, taking her hand and pulling it away from her skirt, "as long as you don't accidentally snap the thread that's holding all those beads on." Charlie's eyes went wide, like she hadn't even considered that possibility. Lexa didn't know if it even really was one, but better safe than sorry. She wasn't sure whose idea the dress had been, but she was pretty sure it wasn't Charlie's. Maybe they could find something she'd be more comfortable in when they got to the hotel.

The bus lurched to a halt, and Lexa sighed. _If_ they got to the hotel.

"We'll all be there with you," she added, squeezing Charlie's hand. "You know we won't let anything happen."

"And if anyone asks you any questions you don't like, you can just pull a Lexa and tell them it's gross," Aden added, grinning. 

Charlie looked at Lexa, then at Aden, who shrugged off Lexa's glare like he didn't even feel it. "You really did that?" she asked. 

"No," Lexa said. "I mean, yes, but—"

Two heads popped up from the pair of seats in front of them, and Lexa swallowed a groan. There was no way she was getting out of telling the story now. Madi she could have handled, but...

"I sense a story," Clarke said, blue eyes glinting with mischief. 

"There's no story," Lexa said. 

"Yes there is," Aden chimed in. "You told me—"

"It's not an _interesting_ story," Lexa amended. "I just—"

"Story! Story! Story!" Madi chanted, thumping her fists on the back of her seat, and first Charlie, then Aden, joined in. 

She looked at Clarke, hoping maybe she would help call off the hounds – kids, whatever they were – but instead found her with her hands pressed together and her lower lip poked out. 'I hate you so much right now,' she mouthed, shaking her head, then slumped back in her seat. "Fine," she said, and Madi and Charlie cheered. "But you're going to be disappointed."

" _We'll_ be the judge of that," Madi said. 

"Madi, sit down," her mother said, having finally looked up from whatever she'd been entertaining herself with during this interminable drive from Hell (or LAX, same difference). 

"But _Mom_ , Lexa is—"

"Sit." 

Madi sat, then craned around the side of her seat to look back at Lexa. "Can we trade seats?" she asked. "Pretty pretty please with sprinkles on top? And hot fudge and whipped cream and a cherry?"

"I thought you wanted to sit next to Clarke," Lexa said. 

"I did," Madi said. "But now I want to trade." 

"Why?"

"Because I want to hear the story and no one is going to yell at _you_ for not sitting."

"She has a point," Clarke said.

Lexa shot her a look. "Not helping." But Madi was giving her puppy-dog eyes, and Charlie was still fixated on her instead of her nerves, and maybe it would be a good thing for them to hear anyway, because who knew what people might decide to ask them. "Fine," she said again. "But you pretty much just promised me an ice cream sundae, Madi, and I'm going to hold you to it." 

Madi grinned and bounced up out of her seat, and they quickly switched so now Lexa was the one leaning facing the wrong way in her seat as she looked at them. 

"Once upon a time," she started, "in an interview far away..." The kids snickered, and Lexa could feel warmth radiating from Clarke's skin as she leaned in. "I was a little older than the two of you, probably about Aden's age, and I was working on a show that was pretty popular. For most of the time I'd been on it, there were no other kids. Then they introduced a new character, a boy about my age, and pretty much instantly people started talking about what a cute couple we would be. Young love, first romance, first kiss, first heartbreak, blah blah blah, barf." Now Madi and Charlie were really giggling, and Aden, who had heard this story before, was grinning so hard his cheeks would probably hurt later. "But nothing like that had come up in the scripts, so I didn't take it seriously. Then I had an interview – I don’t even remember who it was with now – and of course they asked me about it. I'm pretty sure I rolled by eyes, but I just said something like, 'Even if I wanted to answer that, I couldn't, because spoilers.' I thought that would be the end of it. But then this guy – it was definitely a man – winks at me and says, 'What about off-screen? Any romance there?' And I was so shocked that he would even say that that I just said the first thing that popped into my head: 'Uh, you know I'm a kid, right? Do you really think you should be asking me that? It's none of your business, and also kind of gross.'" 

Madi squealed with glee, then clamped her hands over her mouth, and Charlie held out her hand for a fist bump. "If anyone asks me anything dumb, can I just have you answer for me?" Charlie asked. 

"Any time," Lexa said, and meant it. 

She turned around to face forward, hoping it would be clear that story time was over, but Clarke apparently wasn't ready to let it go. Her forehead furrowed as she looked at Lexa. "That was _you_?"

"That was me," Lexa confirmed. "The interview never got aired, or posted or whatever, but somehow that part of it got leaked. I got lucky that it didn't get me labeled as 'difficult' or 'bratty', which it easily could have."

"I remember hearing about it, but either I never heard your name linked to it, or I just didn't make the connection. I do remember thinking that whoever said it must be pretty badass."

"And?" Lexa asked. "Now that you know?"

"Now I _know_ that the person who said it is badass." 

Lexa didn't know if the giggling from behind them was because the kids were still eavesdropping or if they'd moved on to other things. She breathed out a sigh as the bus started moving again, this time at a speed that might actually get them somewhere sometime today. She tipped her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes, trying to take whatever time she had to calm and center herself before they were forced out into con mayhem. 

It would have been easier if Clarke's arm hadn't been resting next to hers on the armrest, where there wasn't enough space for both of them without touching. Lexa tried to ignore it, to tune it out, but was almost as distracting as the whispers coming from behind them which were mostly inaudible, but punctuated frequently enough with hisses of, 'Are you sure?' and 'Don't worry,' and 'I have a plan' that Lexa couldn't ignore them completely. 

"They're up to something," she told Clarke. 

Clarke just smiled. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a little paranoid?"

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not up to something," Lexa countered. 

Clarke just laughed. "Relax," she said, her pinky hooking Lexa's. "They're just kids." 

"Right," Lexa said, her voice cracking almost as badly as Aden's back in season two. "Just kids."

When they arrived at the hotel, everything seemed to speed up. There were people going in every direction, all at top speed, except the few that seemed to be meandering aimlessly and getting in everyone else's way. 

"Everyone is going to have to double up," their handler told them as he passed out the keys. "We could only get so many rooms and—" _And single rooms go to the stars of the main show, not to the cast of the spin-off with so-so ratings,_ he didn't say. He didn't need to.

"Roommates?" Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded. They'd had an instant connection, even with the walls Lexa had tried to put up between herself and anyone new after last year's bloodbath of a season. Clarke had bashed through them as if they didn't even exist, and they'd quickly become friends, bonded by a shared background of growing up on set and in the spotlight. It had bled over to their work, where they had chemistry, or so they were told by those behind the monitors and therefore in a position to know, that was off the charts. 

So if she had to share a room with anyone, Clarke would be her first choice... even if it meant a weekend of pretending she didn't have an army of behemoth butterflies flapping just beneath her heart. 

They crowded into the elevator and rode up to the floor where their block of rooms was. Lexa was about to slide her key into the slot when Madi wedged herself between Lexa and the door. "I have a proposition," she said. 

Lexa glanced at Clarke, who was fighting back a smile. She had spent a lot more time with Madi on set than Lexa had so far, and was used to her no-nonsense, occasionally bordering on bossy manner. "What's that?" she asked. 

"Well you know how I'm not _officially_ here, right?" Madi said. Lexa nodded, waiting for her to go on. "But I wanted to have the experience, so Mom made it happen because she's the world's awesomest mom. She paused, but the world's awesomeest mom wasn't listening so there were no brownie points being awarded, and Madi turned back to business. " _Anyway,_ our room is way down at the end of the hall, and I was just thinking, wouldn't you rather be down there where it's quieter? And then me and my mom can have your room, and I can be near Aden and Charlie, and we won't bug you if we make too much noise or anything." 

Lexa had to admit, it wasn't the worst proposal she'd ever heard. It would put them farther from the elevators and ice machine, and might actually allow them to get some sleep while the rest of the hotel was partying. She looked at Clarke again. "What do you think?"

Clarke shrugged amiably. "I'm good either way." 

Lexa looked back at Madi, and then at Charlie and Aden whose heads were poking out of their rooms, waiting for her to decide, their eyes glittering with the mischief that she was sure they thought they were going to get up to if they were allowed to stay together. She sighed and caved. "Okay," she said. "As long as it's okay with your mother."

"It is," Madi said, drawing an X over her heart. "See? She already gave me her key to give you." She held up the two cards, waving them at Lexa.

Lexa held out her hand, and Madi solemnly placed them in her palm, accepting first Lexa, then Clarke's key in return. "Thank you!" she said, throwing her arms around them. 

"I want hot fudge _and_ caramel on my sundae," Lexa called over her shoulder as they made their way down the hall. 

"Okay!" Madi called back. 

Lexa glanced back down the hall as Clarke slid her card into the lock of their new room and saw three heads quickly disappear into doorways. The light flashed green and Clarke turned the handle, stepping inside. "Oh for fuck's sake," she said. 

"What?" Lexa asked, almost colliding with her where she'd stopped dead in the doorway. "What's—"

But she didn't need to finish the question, because the answer was obvious. 

There was only one bed.

Lexa shook her head, jaw clenched against a flurry of curses. "I'm gonna kill them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write this as a one shot, but realized there was no way I would get it in time to post it for Clexa Week, so... you get chapter one instead.


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa turned to charge back out the door, intent on hunting Madi down and reclaiming the key cards to their original room. There was _no way_ she could share a bed with Clarke. None. What the hell did Madi – and from the looks of things, Aden and Charlie along with her – think they were trying to pull? Did Madi just not want to share a bed with her mom? If that was the case, what was with all of the damned giggling? 

She jerked on the door handle, shoving it down, but before she could get the door open she felt Clarke's fingers clamp around her wrist. She tried to tug herself free, but Clarke held fast, and finally she turned to look at her. Clarke looked caught between amusement and annoyance... but like amusement might win out in the end. "Lexa," she said, "wait." 

"We don't have time for—"

"You're pissed," Clarke said. "I get it. What's an innocent little prank to her is a major pain in the ass to us. But hear me out." 

Lexa clenched her jaw, her teeth grinding against each other. Of _course_ Clarke was coming to Madi's defense. Although they'd only just met, they were bonded nearly as closely to each other as Lexa was to Aden... and if the roles were reversed, she would be sticking up for Aden, too. She sighed. "Fine."

Clarke studied her for a few seconds longer, giving Lexa time to collect herself, then finally loosened her grip on Lexa's wrist. Lexa pulled it to her chest, rubbing absently at the skin, but stayed where she was. "Go ahead," she said. 

"The way I see it," Clarke said, "we have two options. Option one: You go out there and find Madi, scare the bejeezus out of her with your dragon impression – I swear there was smoke curling from your nostrils and steam coming out of your ears – and get her to switch back. Or option two: Don't. We just... do nothing. We act like it's not a big deal, and we just go on with our day as if nothing has happened. And in doing so, we gain the upper hand." 

Lexa frowned. "How?" she asked. "How does that gain us the upper hand?"

"Because if we don't play the game by their rules, they'll start to wonder if maybe we're playing a game of their own. The more they worry about what _we_ might be planning, the less time and energy they'll have to plot against us. Right?" Clarke raised an eyebrow, looking at her expectantly. 

Lexa turned the idea over in her head. Clarke had a point. They had enough to deal with this weekend without having to worry about what the kids might do next if they gave them the satisfaction of knowing that their first little scheme had gotten a rise out of them. Wasn't that what they always said about dealing with bullies? If you just ignored them, they would get bored and go away? 

Which was a hell of a thing to teach a kid, wasn't it? Just let someone abuse you until they get tired of it and move on to the next victim. That was some pretty messed up shit. 

But they were dealing with kids pulling a (mostly) harmless prank, not bullies, and when the weekend was over, they would all go back to set and have to work with each other. Getting angry, potentially terrifying one of her young coworkers in the process, wasn't going to lead to a productive working environment for anyone. 

"Anyway," Clarke said, "it's a big bed. There's plenty of room for both of us."

Lexa eyed the bed and wasn't sure she agreed. It was king size, so in theory Clarke was right, but in practice? She wasn't sure there was any bed big enough for her to be able to sleep soundly knowing that Clarke was on the same mattress, sharing the same covers, and that if either of them moved just a little too much, they might...

She could feel heat rising in her cheeks and sweat prickling along her spine and under her arms. "We should get ready," she said. "Freshen up or whatever." 

Clarke smiled and hefted her suitcase onto one of the luggage racks set up at the foot of the bed, pawing through it until she found something that was comfortable but not too casual. She started to strip down as if Lexa wasn't standing right there, and Lexa beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom, toiletry kit and makeup bag clutched in white-knuckled hands. 

Her hands were shaking too badly to touch up her makeup, but thankfully it was still intact from when she'd put it on that morning, despite hours on a plane and trapped in a bus. She dabbed at the moisture on her upper lip and stared at herself in the mirror. "Get it together, Woods," she muttered. "This weekend will only be as bad as you let it be." 

When she emerged again, Clarke was changed and fussing with her hair in the mirror. When she saw Lexa she smiled and let it fall however it wanted. "Ready?" she asked. 

Lexa nodded, and Clarke grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, then snatched up Lexa's and held it out. Their fingers brushed as Lexa took it, and she jerked back like she'd been shocked. "I just want you to know," she said, "that stuff like this didn't happen before you and your demon child showed up. _My_ kids are perfect angels." 

Clarke threw her head back and laughed, and it was the best sound Lexa had heard all day. "You keep telling yourself that," Clarke said, threading her arm through Lexa's and flashing her a wink. "Maybe someday you'll convince one of us." 

To Lexa's credit, she didn't trip over her own feet.

* * *

The afternoon passed in a blur as they were shuffled from one interview to another to another. It was pretty much the same questions over and over again, rehashing past seasons and asking what they can expect (without spoilers, of course!) in the upcoming season. Pretty standard, bland stuff, and Lexa had learned how to navigate it all with a (frequently fake) smile and all the charm she could muster. She found herself tensing up every time anyone aimed a question at Charlie, but thankfully no one said anything that threw her into Mama Bear mode. Having Clarke at her side, or at least nearby, helped too. Even if they couldn't say anything, they could at least exchange looks at the more ridiculous questions, rolling their eyes and then trying not to laugh. Mature? Maybe not, but there were only so many times you could answer, 'If your character had a superpower, what would it be?' 

"We need a break," Lexa finally announced, because she had been sitting between Charlie and Aden in the last interview, and even though Aden had been through the press wringer before, they were both getting antsy.

"We don't have time," their handler said. "We have another—"

"We need a break," Lexa repeated, dropping anything that even resembled a smile. "Tell them we need five minutes." 

He opened his mouth to object again but shut it at Lexa's glare. "Five minutes," he conceded. 

"Thank you." Now she smiled, but it just sent him scurrying. She turned her attention to her young costars. "I know," she said. "Only a few more."

Aden grimaced, and Charlie squirmed, back to picking at the beads on her skirt. "Is it _always_ this boring?" she asked, at least having the sense to keep her voice down. 

Lexa sighed. "Pretty much," she said. "Unfortunately."

"They keep asking questions about next season but we can't tell them anything, and they _know_ we can't tell them anything, so why do they keep asking?" 

"That's a very good question," Lexa said. "One that I don't have any answer to. Maybe they're hoping we'll let something slip." 

"But then we'd get in trouble," Charlie said, heaving a sigh that rocked her whole body. "Madi's so lucky..."

"She'll have to do it next year, probably," Aden said, then frowned. "If she's still around..."

Lexa put her arm around him and hugged him against her side. She was feeling the gaps in the group too, even though their slots had been filled in by other bodies. "I think she's pretty tough," she said. "I think she'll still be around." Maybe that was just wishful thinking, though, because Madi's character was sort of a package deal with Clarke's. Not that they couldn't kill off Madi and keep Clarke... or vice versa, but the latter seemed unlikely. It would skew the child-to-adult ratio too heavily in the kids' favor. 

Clarke appeared at her side, and Lexa hadn't noticed she was gone. She handed small bottles of water to everyone. "Anyone need a bathroom?" she asked. 

The kids giggled, and Lexa couldn't help grinning too. "No, _Mom_ ," she said. "I think we're all right."

"Actually..." Charlie said. "I do kind of need to go..."

Clarke smirked. "Who's laughing now?" she called over her shoulder as she walked Charlie toward the restroom she'd found in her quest for water. 

"Thanks, Charlie," Lexa called back. "Whose side are you on, anyway?" Aden was studying her thoughtfully when she looked back. "What?" Lexa asked. "Is there something on my face?"

He shook his head. "I miss them," he said, keeping his voice low. "but I don't mind the new people. Clarke and Madi. Do you?"

"No," Lexa said. "I don't mind them." She took a sip of water, hoping to cool the flush that she could feel creeping to her cheeks. 

"Do you hope they'll stick around?" Aden asked. "That it won't just be for this season? Or part of this season?" Because most of the time the season got broken into two parts, and it wasn't infrequent that a cast shake-up would occur in the middle. They were still shooting the A part o the season and hadn't seen any scripts for the B half. It was possible that Clarke and Madi wouldn't be in them, and the thought made Lexa's chest tighten. 

"I hope so," Lexa said, taking another gulp of water. "It's been—" But she didn't finish, because Clarke and Charlie returned, and they were hustled to the next interview. 

Finally they finished, and after a quick consultation of the schedule, they were set free for the day. They agreed to meet up later for dinner, and then Charlie and Aden were taken back to their rooms to rejoin their parents, and the other members of the cast scattered, leaving only Lexa and Clarke standing there. 

"Any plans?" Clarke asked. 

Lexa shook her head. "I think I'm just going to go change and relax a little before dinner."

"Sounds good," Clarke said, and fell into step with her. Lexa felt like sirens were going off in her head, but she couldn't very well tell Clarke she'd actually meant to get a little time away from _her_ to get herself together. _So much for relaxing..._

* * *

When they gathered for dinner, Madi's eyes flicked back and forth between Clarke and Lexa, and when Clarke reached to sling an arm around Madi's shoulders, she looked like she was bracing to be put in a headlock. She visibly relaxed when Clarke just hugged her and let her go, and Lexa didn't miss the smirking looks she shot at Aden and Charlie. 

Clarke's fingers tangled with hers, just for a second. "Breathe," she whispered. "Just breathe." 

Lexa didn't ask how she was supposed to breathe when Clarke was _holding her hand_ , she just forced air into and out of her lungs until Clarke seemed satisfied and let go of her. Lexa clenched her hand into a fist as Clarke's fingers slipped away, grasping at the ghost of a feeling that she desperately wanted to – and knew never would – be real.

By the time they were done with dinner, it was late, and there was a flurry of hugs as the kids were shuffled off to bed, even though they looked like they had more energy than the rest of the cast put together at that point. As they were deciding whether to go back to the hotel or not, someone came up and threw their arms around Clarke, and Lexa took a step back to make way for the reunion. 

Lexa forced a tight smile when Clarke introduced her old friend Raven, who worked in special effects. "She's really good at blowing things up," Clarke said, grinning. "Think our show needs more explosions?"

" _Every_ show needs more explosions," Raven said. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," Lexa said. 

"We're going to go get drinks, catch up," Clarke said. "Do you want to join us?"

Lexa wasn't sure what the answer was supposed to be, but she knew she wasn't in the mood to be a third wheel. So she shook her head. "Tomorrow is going to be even longer than today was," she said. "I'm going to go get some rest."

Clarke just looked at her for a moment, right in her eyes like she was trying to read something there, then nodded. "I'll see you later then." 

"Have fun," Lexa said. She watched them go, then made her way back to the hotel, telling herself that her dragging feet were from exhaustion. Really, she thought, she should be grateful that Raven had showed up. With Clarke out of the room, she could shower and change and do whatever else she needed to do without constantly thinking about Clarke, and what Clarke was thinking, and what she might be seeing and what she was thinking about what she was seeing, and...

Lexa tried to stop herself from looking at her phone every few minutes to check what time it was, how long Clarke had been gone, and finally she made herself set it face down on the night table (after triple-checking her alarm was set) and not pick it up again. She squirmed, trying to find a comfortable position that didn't take up more than what felt like her fair share of the bed, trying not to think about the emptiness of the space beside her and whether it would still be empty in the morning and what that might (but probably didn't) mean. 

She finally dozed, dropping into restless dreams of chasing someone, or being chased, or maybe both, and jerked awake again when the bed shook.

"Sorry," Clarke whispered, and she was close enough that Lexa could smell alcohol on her breath even under the mint of her toothpaste. "Go back to sleep." 

She dropped a kiss on Lexa's temple, and then collapsed beside her, too close, definitely over the invisible line down the middle of the bed, and Lexa thought about telling her to move, or moving her, but that would involve touching her, and so she just tried to make herself as small as possible, all hope of sleep gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a head's up, I will be taking a posting hiatus in April to allow myself time to write a lot of words for Camp NaNo, and build up a buffer of stuff to post, and also because I will attending Clexacon, and it's hard(er) to post while traveling. I appreciate your patience and understanding! ;-)
> 
> Also if anyone else is attending Clexacon and wants to met, you can hit me up via email [eternaleponine at gmail) or Twitter or Tumblr (ironicsnowflake for both) or something and we can try to figure it out!


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa woke up – if it counted as waking up when one was lucid enough to be aware of one's semi-unconscious state – before the alarm she'd set, pinned down and overheated. Her eyes were gritty and the beginnings of a headache gnawed at the edges of her brain. Other aches gnawed at other parts of her as well, but she refused to acknowledge them because doing so would do more harm than good.

_I hate you so much right now,_ she thought as she gingerly extricated herself from under the leaden weight of Clarke's arm, tucking a pillow underneath instead in the hope that Clarke was still dead enough to the world that she wouldn't notice the difference and wake up. _All I wanted to do was sleep, just get through the night, and you had to get drunk and ignore every rule of bed-sharing etiquette and..._ The litany of Clarke's offenses scrolled endlessly through her head as she set a bottle of water and two pills on the nightstand, in case Clarke woke up with a headache, then locked herself in the bathroom.

She started the shower and stripped down, avoiding looking at herself in the mirror until she'd had the chance to rinse away the fine sheen of sweat that clung to her and make herself feel a little more human. When the water finally reached an acceptable temperature (which took longer than she would have expected, but she supposed an event this size probably taxed the hotel's resources, and people would be up at all hours of the day and night so the fact that it was early was essentially meaningless) she stepped under the spray. 

Tears rose almost instantly, her chest constricting and forcing out a hiccupping sob before she could stop it. She told herself it was just the combination of overstimulation and lack of sleep; just her body dealing with stress and there was no deeper meaning to it, no specific cause. It had nothing to do with the fact that she'd spent the night in Clarke's arms, but only because Clarke was drunk and probably would have cuddled up to anything, and it just happened that she was there. She wasn't crying because she'd finally gotten something she'd wanted almost since the moment she'd met Clarke, and it should have meant everything but instead meant nothing. She wasn't crying because she was going to have to slap on a fake smile not just for the public, but for the person she'd come to think of as one of her best friends. 

One of her only friends, if she was being honest, and the truth hurt.

Lexa let herself cry for another minute, then sucked back the tears and all the feelings she didn't want to have, then grabbed the shampoo and got to work putting herself back together. She realized too late that the bottle she'd grabbed wasn't her shampoo, but Clarke's, and a fresh wave of tears pricked at her eyes because now she would spend the day drowning in the scent of her even when she wasn't nearby, and why the fuck had she let Clarke convince her not to get their room back? Why had she allowed her to let Madi win?

_I hate you so much right now..._

* * *

"G'morning," Clarke mumbled, blinking blearily at Lexa when she emerged from the bathroom, one towel wrapped around her body and another wrapped around her hair. She'd meant to bring clothing into the bathroom with her to avoid this moment, but she'd been in such a hurry to get away from Clarke that she'd forgotten. "Thanks for the..." Clarke gestured to where the painkiller had been and took another swig from the bottle of water. "I hope I didn't wake you when I came in."

"It's fine," Lexa said. "You should probably get up and shower." _So I can get dressed while you're in there._

Clarke groaned. "Five more minutes, Mom," she said, flopping back against the pillows. Lexa dared a quick glance at her, and saw that she was smirking, sprawled out and tousle-headed, and it wasn't just her heart that twinged at the sight. 

Lexa didn't respond, just went to the closet to decide what to wear for the day. Her lip curled as she looked at the selection of pretty designer dresses that had been chosen for her; sometimes she felt like a goddamn paper doll. Sometimes... 

Sometimes she hated her job. This part of it, anyway. The part where she had to dress like other people wanted, say only what was approved for her to say, turn herself into a vessel to carry whatever other people filled her up with, instead of getting to be herself.

Sometimes she wasn't even sure who 'herself' was anymore. 

"Hey," Clarke said, too close, and Lexa hadn't heard her get up. "Are you okay?" Her fingertips brushed the back of Lexa's bare shoulder, and it was all Lexa could do not to jerk away from the burning touch. 

"Fine," Lexa said. "Just trying to figure out what to wear." 

"I'm guess jeans and a t-shirt aren't on the list of approved outfits?"

"I wish," Lexa said. "But no." 

"Hmph," Clarke grumbled. "I don't see why not. You look good in everything. This is all just... gilding a lily."

Heat rushed to Lexa's cheeks, and an ember ignited in her belly. She eased herself away from Clarke, so that her hand dropped away, pretending to contemplate the shoes she had to choose from, even though she could barely focus her eyes. 

"I like this one," Clarke decided, holding up a dress that was on the more casual side of the spectrum. "I think the color will bring out your eyes."

"Thanks," Lexa said, taking it and laying it on her bed. No, not _her_ bed. _The_ bed. The single bed that they still had to share for two more nights. The bed where nothing had happened and nothing was going to happen, and...

"Are you sure you're all right?" Clarke asked. At least this time she kept her distance. "I woke you up, didn't I? Did I snore? Sometimes I snore when I've had too much to drink."

"It's fine, Clarke," Lexa lied. "Can you please just get ready?"

Clarke looked at her for a long moment, then shook her head quickly, not in negation but as if to clear it, before nodding. "Right," she said. "Of course." She shot one last glance at Lexa before disappearing into the bathroom. 

Lexa collapsed onto the bed, digging the heels of her hands into her eyes until she saw stars. _Get it together, Lexa,_ she told herself. _You can't fuck things up even more than you already have. You still need to work together._

She let herself wallow in her misery for another minute, then forced herself up and into the dress Clarke had picked out (even though she wanted to wear anything but that, because all she would think about all day would be the fact that Clarke had said it would bring out the color in her eyes) because it was easier than explaining why she had decided to go with something else (even though Clarke had said that everything looked good on her, but she was _not_ going think about that). When Clarke emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel that barely skimmed the tops of her thighs, Lexa ducked back in to do her makeup, even though the mirror was so foggy she could hardly see what she was doing. 

"I'm going to go head down to breakfast," she tossed over her shoulder as she reached for the door. "I'll see you there." 

"Wait!" Lexa cringed, but she couldn't pretend she hadn't heard Clarke, so she waited. "Lexa," Clarke said, having closed the distance between them in a few quick steps. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did... I'm sorry."

Lexa sucked in a breath through her nose and tried to let it out slowly enough that Clarke wouldn't hear. "You didn't do anything, Clarke," she said. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"Then why won't you even look at me?" Clarke asked. "All morning, you've been..." But she didn't say what Lexa had been. She probably just didn't want to be rude.

"I never sleep well at these things," Lexa said, which was at least a little bit true. "I get myself worked up, thinking about the day ahead, what happened the day before, and I just get stuck in my head." She made herself meet Clarke's eyes. "I'm the one who should be apologizing." 

But she didn't. 

Clarke just looked back at her, her gaze roving over Lexa's face like she was searching for something that Lexa didn't know how to give. Finally she dipped her chin in a nod. "I'll on—" She stopped, swallowed. "I'll see you at breakfast," she said. 

Lexa went down to where she was meeting up with the rest of the cast; they had a signing first thing. The kids were all there, and clearly they had all gotten a full night's sleep, because they were bright-eyed and beaming... although Madi's expression shifted from excited to confused when she saw Lexa. She actually leaned halfway out of her seat to try to see past her, like she though Clarke might be hiding behind her.

"She'll be down soon," Lexa said, trying to keep her sour mood from bleeding into her voice. 

"Oh," Madi said. "Did you have a good night?"

"No," Lexa said. So much for honey rather than vinegar...

Madi's face fell, and she seemed to shrink a little in her seat. "Oh," she said again. "Sorry."

"It's not your fault," Lexa said, even though it was, in a way. "Don't pick up that habit from Clarke. She's always apologizing for everything." Lexa, on the other hand, never apologized unless she genuinely meant it (and was at fault in the first place), which meant she rarely said she was sorry. 

"What did I miss?" Clarke asked, sliding into the seat next to Madi, even though there was a seat next to Lexa (who had _not_ chosen her seat based on where there would be an available spot next to her where they wouldn't be bumping elbows, really). 

"Nothing," Madi said. "Aden and Charlie were just telling me about what you are all doing today. I wish I could be there." 

"Next year," Clarke said, tugging on one of her braids. 

Madi shrugged. "If we _live_ that long," she said. "In the show, I mean." 

"Really?" Clarke teased. "I thought you meant in real life."

Madi stuck out her tongue, and Clarke stuck hers out right back, and Lexa stared at her plate, mechanically lifting a bite of eggs to her mouth and chewing for far longer than was necessary. She felt something nudge against her foot under the table, and when she looked up Aden was looking at her, his brow furrowed, and his mouth set in a determined line. After a second, he edged out of his seat and came around the table to sit next to her. 

"Everything all right?" Lexa asked. "Nervous about the panel?"

Aden shrugged. "Maybe a little," he said. 

She reached out and squeezed the back of his neck. "You'll be fine," she said. "I'll be right there with you, like always."

"I know," he said, squaring his shoulders. "And I'll be there with you, too." 

Lexa looked at him for a second, then pulled him into what was supposed to be a quick hug, but once she had her arms around him, she found it harder to let go than she'd expected. Thankfully, he just leaned harder into her rather than trying to wriggle his way out, until they were all given a warning to finish up because they would need to head out soon.

"Thanks," she said softly as she released her grip. 

Aden flashed her a crooked smile. "Any time," he said.

* * *

The signing was a blur of faces and smiles (at least 50% of them were genuine, and she hoped that at least 50% of the rest of them came across that way) and words from fans that both lifted her up and weighed her down, and by the time it was over her hand was cramped and her headache had dug its claws in just a little deeper (she blamed the marker fumes). 

They had a break before their panel, but it wasn't long enough to go back to the hotel, and as much as she wanted to find a corner to hide in and decompress, she didn't want to appear antisocial, so she let herself be swept into conversation after conversation, although she contributed very little to them and doubted she would remember any of them later.

Finally, it was time. She tightened her hands into fists, then released them, shaking her arms out to try to dissipate the tension. She felt someone sidle up beside her, and fingers slip into hers, and for a second she thought it was Clarke, but when she glanced over it was only Charlie... which of course made a hell of a lot more sense, and she tried not to be disappointed. 

"You're going to be great," Lexa told her, squeezing her hand. 

"I'm not so sure about that," Charlie said. 

"I am," Lexa replied. And then the moderator started rattling off names, and they made their way onto the stage and found their seats, with Lexa sandwiched between her two young costars, and Clarke – a glimpse of whose character had been revealed in the trailer – was on Charlie's other side. 

The beginning of the panel went smoothly, with the moderator asking them questions about the previous seasons, and then they danced around any possible spoilers for the upcoming season while trying to tease just enough to get the audience's interest piqued. Finally, though, they opened the mic for audience questions, and Lexa braced herself as the first fan stepped up. 

"So this question is for everyone," they said. "If your character could have any animal for a pet, what would it be?"

After the obligatory observation that living in the aftermath of the apocalypse wasn't really conducive to keeping animals that weren't going to be eaten or otherwise useful, they gamely went down the line. When it got to Lexa, she smiled. "Who needs a pet when you have a little brother?" Aden looked at her in mock-offense, and everyone laughed. "And I guess a little sister too, now," she added, looking at Charlie. "So yeah, no pets for Alicia. She's got enough to deal with with these two." 

When they got the end of the line, the fan stood steadfastly at the mic. "So I have a follow-up," they said, and Lexa couldn't stop herself from sneaking a glance over at Clarke, whose mouth was quirked like she was biting the inside of her lip or cheek. 

"It's for Lexa," the fan said. "You said that Alicia now has a little sister... does she think of Lexi that way, even after everything that's happened?"

That was actually a decent question; far better than the pet one. Lexa leaned in. "First, can I just comment on the fact that having Lexa and Lexi being said on set all the time is super confusing?" She shot a grin at the showrunner on the panel. "That aside... it's complicated. For obvious reasons. Corey is all Alicia has left of her family, and Lexi put that in jeopardy. So there's definitely part of her that isn't going to let that go easily. On the flip side, though... Lexi is just a kid, and she's just trying to survive like everyone else, and they've all been through shit, you know? And Alicia gets that. She gets that there's no such thing as black and white anymore. So it's complicated. How it plays out is going to have a lot to do with what happens with Corey, which you'll have to wait to see." 

"Thank you," the fan said, and stepped away, and the next one stepped up.

"So I have a two-part question..."

And the next one, "This isn't so much a question as a comment?" 

And the next one. "So I actually started watching the show because of my daughter, she really loves it, and she really wanted me to watch it and so I did but I've only seen the first season so I don't even know who most of you are so—"

Lexa looked at Clarke again, and saw that her shoulders were shaking, and she lifted her bottle of water to take a sip, maybe hoping it would stifle her giggles, but when she glanced over and caught Lexa's eye she almost choked. For a horrifying, hilarious second Lexa thought Clarke might spew water all over the table. Because Lexa had warned her. She had warned her about all of the different preambles to questions that they got, all of the various types of querants, and it was all playing out, just like she'd predicted, and Clarke might actually explode from holding back her laughter. 

"My question is for Lexa?"

Lexa snapped her attention back to the fan, having (thankfully) missed the rest of the woman from Texas' long ramble that she was pretty sure had nothing to do with the show, and was really just about getting up in front of a bunch of celebrities and getting noticed. She smiled and nodded for the girl to go on. 

"So obviously like you said Alicia has lost a lot. Like her entire family, a lot of friends, her boyfriend...s... Without giving any spoilers—" Clarke managed to turn a laugh into a cough, barely, and if Lexa had been next to her she would have kicked her. "—is there any chance of her maybe finding love this season?"

Lexa suppressed a sigh. God, she was so sick of questions about Alicia's love life. Any time a new male character was introduced who was an even remotely appropriate age, fandom went wild with speculation. "I think I can safely say that she's not looking for love," she said. "She's just trying to stay alive, and keep her brother alive, and Lexi probably—"

Charlie leaned in to her mic. " _Probably_?" She pouted, and Lexa laughed along with the audience.

"Probably," Lexa repeated. "So..."

"But," Clarke's voice was a booming whisper into the silence as Lexa trailed off, "you don't necessarily have to be _looking_ for love to find it."

Lexa's stomach plunged and her heart leapt into her throat, and she wanted to wipe the conspiratorial smirk from Clarke's face as she looking out at the audience, who were cheering even though neither of them had really said anything one way or another... because there wasn't anything _to_ say, but they couldn't tell them that. 

"And that's all the time we have," the moderator said. "Thank you all for coming, and please give a big hand to our cast."

They exited the stage to tumultuous applause, and as soon as they were out of sight, Charlie started jumping up and down, and Lexa had to catch her before she bounced into anyone. "I did it!" Charlie said. "I did it, I did it!"

"Yes you did," Lexa said. "You were great, just like I knew you would be." She hugged her tight, then released her to go squeal with glee to her mother and Madi, who had been in the wings the entire time, apparently. 

An arm slipped around Lexa's waist, and she looked over and saw Clarke, cheeks flushed and smiling so widely it looked painful. "Are you going to say, 'I told you so'?" she asked. 

"Nope," Lexa said, grinning back. "I don't need to."

"You called it," Clarke said. "Everything you said..."

"I've done this a time or three. Four. What season is this?" 

Clarke laughed. "Maybe one day I'll be as wise as you."

Lexa rolled her eyes. "What are you talking about? That last comment – that's exactly the kind of thing that they go crazy for. You already nailed it."

"The question is, will Alicia?" Clarke ducked away before Lexa could swat her. 

"If I wasn't wearing heels, you would be so dead," Lexa said. "But that's all right." She let the corners of her lips curl. "I know where you sleep."


	4. Chapter 4

_I probably shouldn't drink that,_ Lexa thought as the waiter poured her a second glass of wine at dinner. _I should keep my wits about me._ But honestly, she wasn't such a lightweight that she couldn't handle two glasses of wine, and things had felt easier, better, more normal since the panel, so where was the harm? 

Conversation flowed and she flowed with it, laughing and joking and feeling like herself again, instead of whoever the neurotic mess from last night and this morning was. Somewhere into her third glass, Clarke's arm ended up around her, and Lexa let her head drop onto Clarke's shoulder. When Clarke's fingers slid into her hair, massaging her scalp, and it didn't send her into an existential crisis or emotional collapse, she decided wine was exactly what she'd needed, and maybe, just maybe, she might make it through the weekend after all. 

When they finally got up, she stumbled a little and cursed herself for not having the foresight to change into something a little less wobbly. Aden was instantly at her side, eyes wide with concern, and she felt Clarke's hand pressed between her shoulder blades, steadying her. Lexa took a deep breath and found her center of gravity again. "I'm all right," she reassured Aden. "Thank you." 

His mouth twisted to one side of his face and his nose scrunched, but he must have decided against whatever comment he'd been planning to make, because he just nodded. "Drink lots of water," he said. 

"I'll make sure she does," Clarke said. She winked at Aden, or maybe at Lexa, she wasn't sure... maybe it was at both of them, for different reasons, or the same reason, or...

_This is why you don't drink,_ she scolded herself. _It makes thinking hard, and overthinking easy._ But she didn't have to let herself. She didn't have to obsess over every little thing. She could just let things happen, let whatever was going to be be. She started humming to herself, and Clarke looked up at her, mouth quirked in a smirk as her eyes rolled, and Lexa wanted to kiss her amusement away, turn it into something else, wanted...

She took a careful step away from the warmth of Clarke's body and the press of her hand. "I'm going to go change," she said. 

"Do you want to get a Lyft back to the hotel?" Clarke asked. 

Lexa shook her head. "It's not that far," she said. "And I don't need a babysitter."

Something flickered in Clarke's eyes, there and gone too quickly for Lexa to catch hold of. "I know," Clarke said evenly. "I need to change too."

Lexa fought back the urge to squirm as she felt more than one set of eyes on her, waiting for her to make a move. 

_No, not a move. No one is making any moves here. Now is not the time and this is not the place, and..._

Would there ever be a time or place? 

Maybe. Maybe not. But if there was, or would be, this wasn't it. She just had to get through this weekend, and the rest of the season, and away from Clarke, and if she still felt like this after they'd been apart a little while, after she'd had a chance to clear her head, after the New Relationship Energy that came along with finding a scene partner that you instantly connected with wore off and she could tell if that's all it was or if it was more...

Everyone was still staring. Shit. 

_Get it together, Woods._

"Let's go," she said, offering her arm to Clarke, whose shoulders relaxed as she smiled and slipped her hand into the crook of Lexa's elbow... only to let go a second later as they realized that even if they met up with some of the others once they were in something more comfortable, the kids would be chivvied off to bed soon enough. They said their good nights, offering hugs and ruffling hair and telling them again what a good job they'd done that day, even Madi, who had done a good job not being annoyed by the fact that she didn't get to participate in all of the so-called fun and games.

As they linked arms again, Clarke looked down at their feet. "I feel like you should be wearing ruby slippers," she said. 

Lexa snorted. "I'm not Dorothy," she said. 

"Who are you then?" Clarke asked. "Not the Tin Man; you have plenty of heart. And you've got brains, so not the Scarecrow. I wouldn't say you're lacking courage—"

_And here I thought you knew me,_ Lexa thought. _I guess I'm a better actor than I thought._

"So that only leaves Dorothy," Clarke finished. 

"Maybe I'm Toto," Lexa said. 

"We're definitely not in Kansas anymore," Clarke said, as a group of cosplayers went by, some of them in costumes that left absolutely nothing to the imagination, others so concealing that there was no way of even beginning to guess who might be inside. 

They walked back to the hotel through the evening air, which had finally cooled down enough to make it comfortable. "If we're quick, we might be able to catch the sunset," Lexa said. "I think there's a deck..."

But they had to wait forever for an elevator that wasn't too full to fit in, and by the time they got to their room the sun was already low on the horizon, so they caught what they could through their hotel room window. 

_Probably better,_ Lexa thought. _Who knows what ideas I might have had if we'd managed to catch it?_ It was simultaneously a needle to her brain and a knife to her heart, the scene that played out behind half-closed eyes, of standing next to Clarke on a rooftop terrace, arms around each other, leaning against a railing as the sunset painted the sky, turning to look at each other as the last slivers of golden light slipped away, and with it their resistance to the force that had been pulling them together since...

"Are you going back out again?" Clarke asked. 

Lexa felt her face flush, her cheeks staining deep rose, and she shook her head. "I think I'm done," she said. "I might have a bath, and then try to get some sleep. You have fun, though."

"I wasn't—" Clarke stopped, her forehead furrowing, and nodded. "I'll be quiet when I get back. Promise."

* * *

Lexa woke up to an empty bed, and she wasn't sure if she'd slept for minutes or hours. Had Clarke not come back yet? Had she not come back at all? She had a vague memory of hearing the door, and a light being switched on and back off again a minute later, of a weight on the other side of the bed and then someone touching her, fingers on her bare shoulder and then a kiss to her temple, Clarke whispering good night, but maybe she'd dreamed it all.

Probably she'd dreamed it all. Especially the kiss, which hadn't been anything more than a parent might give their child when tucking them in for the night, but in the dream it had felt like more than that somehow.

Which was how she knew it was a dream. 

Except hadn't Clarke done the same the night before? But she'd been drunk then. Maybe she'd been drunk last night, too, a little. Or maybe...

Maybe she should just wake the hell up.

She cracked open her eyes and blinked at the light that filtered in. It wasn't bright, but it wasn't dark, either, which meant it was morning... right? Unless there was a light on, but she hadn't left any lights on, and why was her head so fuzzy?

Lexa reached for her phone on the nightstand and heard a soft _pat pat_ of something – two small somethings – hitting the floor. She leaned over to see what it was and the world swam.

"I've got it," Clarke said, appearing in her field of vision out of nowhere, clad in a loose tank top and boxer shorts and nothing else, and she was so close – too close – and Lexa looked up too quickly and groaned, collapsing back against the pillows. 

"I've got it," Clarke repeated. She leaned down to pick up the fallen items – painkiller, it turned out – and handed the pills, along with a bottle of water, to Lexa. "Turnabout is fair play," she said, holding on to the bottle until she was sure Lexa had a secure grip on it. 

"What time is it?" Lexa asked. 

"Early," Clarke said. "A little before seven?"

Lexa grunted, watching Clarke as she went back to the chair she'd previously occupied and pulled a notebook back into her lap. She slipped a pencil from its binding and began to move it across the page in short strokes. "Did you not sleep?" she asked. 

Clarke looked up from the page. "I slept," she said. "I didn't wake up that long ago."

"What are you drawing?" Lexa asked. "I assume that's what you're doing..." She knew Clarke was an artist – a pretty good one, in Lexa's admittedly biased opinion – and often found her sketching when they had any length of time between takes. Bits of the set, random props, people... whatever caught her eye. But Lexa couldn't imagine what could have captured her imagination in their reasonably comfortable but otherwise utilitarian hotel room.

Before Clarke could answer, there was a knock on their door, and they both groaned. Clarke got up to answer, thanking whoever it was for the wake up call before shutting the door firmly in their face. "No rest for the wicked," she said. "Do you mind if I shower first?"

"You're already up," Lexa pointed out.

"I know," Clarke said. "Just trying to be polite." She flashed a smile. "You can have your five more minutes."

Lexa smiled back, and took another swig of water. She wasn't completely hungover (she'd done as Aden said and made sure to drink plenty of water) but she still felt a little wrung out. She let herself loll in bed for a few more minutes before getting up. She padded toward the closet, but got distracted by Clarke's discarded sketchpad, and the image of her own sleeping face staring – or not, since its eyes were closed – back at her. 

She picked it up, marveling at the level of detail and how much it looked like her. Clarke had said she hadn't been awake that long, but there was no way that she'd done this in just a few minutes. How long had she been watching Lexa sleep? And _why_? 

_Because you're the only other person in the room,_ the rational part of her pointed out. _What else was she going to draw?_ But a smaller, softer, less rational part of her answered not with words, but with a fluttery, achy feeling that started in her center and spread down her limbs until her hands started to feel like they didn't quite belong to her, like it was someone else holding up a drawing for her to see, like they had some point to prove with it that she couldn't – or wouldn't let herself – grasp.

The shower turned off and she hastily set the sketchbook down, going to the closet and glaring into its depths, wondering if Clarke would emerge to save her again if she stood there long enough, and then trying to tamp down the fizzing firefly feeling it set in motion. 

_Get it together,_ she told herself, and she'd lost track of how many times she'd said those words, usually silently but occasionally out loud, thankfully never where anyone else could hear. 

"All yours," Clarke said, emerging wrapped in a towel that barely skimmed the tops of her thighs. 

Lexa gulped. "Thanks." She abandoned her perusal of the closet (she wasn't really seeing what was in front of her anyway) and ducked past Clarke into the bathroom. 

There were no tears this morning, and that was something. She even managed to grab her own shampoo (though for a second she was tempted...) and so when she climbed out again, she felt almost entirely herself again. Almost, but not quite, because there was a little part of her that was the girl in Clarke's picture, still asleep and dreaming...

Clarke hadn't picked out Lexa's outfit for the day – she'd barely picked out her own – and after pulling out and putting back several dresses, Lexa finally decided that she'd played paper doll long enough, and pulled out something that wasn't _too_ casual, but that she would be comfortable in. She still had some press to do, and a fan meet-and-greet, but the panel was over, and she was done trying to impress people. They could take her as she was for once, or at least a close facsimile thereof. 

"I like it," Clarke said, giving her a once-over and an approving nod. 

"Thank you," Lexa said, striking a pose, one hip jutted out, her hand resting on it, and laughed. She was sure she imagined the way Clarke's eyes seemed to linger just a little longer than might be considered polite on all the places her jeans clung to her. She knew that she had to look anywhere but at Clarke to keep herself from doing the same. 

Finally they were both ready, and they headed down to breakfast, where they were greeted by the kids and not much of anyone else. 

"They stayed up too late," Madi announced.

"And drank too much," Charlie added.

"And didn't drink enough water," Aden added, his face splitting into a grin. 

Lexa reached out and ruffled his hair. "What can I say? Not everyone is smart enough to listen to your sage advice." 

"Fools," he said, in his best evil genius voice. "When will they ever learn?"

"Probably not this weekend," Lexa said. "Did you leave anything for us?"

"There's plenty," Madi said. "Look, Clarke, there's all kinds of berries."

"Oh, did you need your hair dyed?" Clarke teased. One of the earliest scenes between their characters had shown Elyza dyeing Lolah's hair with berries – a little bit of teenage rebellion in the apocalypse or something – but they'd used real berries, and Madi had been washing seeds out of her hair for days afterward. (And it had done absolutely nothing to the color of her hair.) 

Madi giggled and scooped some into a bowl with some yogurt, nestling it alongside her pancakes that appeared to have been drowned in syrup. 

"What do we have today?" Charlie asked. " _More_ talking about things we can't talk about?" She rolled her eyes so hard Lexa thought they might actually roll all the way into the back of her head. 

"Some of that, yes," Lexa said. "But we've got the _Infected_ walk-through later, with the recreated sets and stuff, and that should be cool." At least she hoped it would be. It was sort of like a haunted house, except in the world their show took place in, and they would be filmed going through it. She wasn't looking forward to pretending to be scared, or excited, or whatever she was supposed to be, if it ended up being lame.

"Oh yeah," Charlie said. "Are we all going through together, or...?"

"I'm not sure," Lexa said. "We'll find out when we get there, I guess." 

"Well if we don't, and we go through with partners, I call dibs on Aden," Charlie said. "That would be cool, right? The two young characters – actors – whatever, going through together."

Madi nodded enthusiastically. "It would be even _cooler_ with _three_ young actors," she said. 

Clarke laughed. "Maybe we can figure something out," she said. It really _didn't_ seem fair that Madi was here – her character had even been glimpsed in the trailer – but so far she hadn't been able to participate in anything. 

"Thanks," Madi said, leaning over to nudge her shoulder against Clarke's... hard enough rock Clarke into Lexa. 

"Easy," Clarke said, righting herself. 

"Sorry," Madi said, but she didn't look sorry at all. 

Quiet descended as they turned their attention to their food, and Lexa focused on making sure that she didn't drip or dribble anything on herself. She didn't notice Clarke leaning toward her until she was close enough for Lexa to feel her breath on her ear as she whispered, "If we have partners, can I call dibs on you?"


	5. Chapter 5

By the time they finally sidled up to _Infected: Dead or Alive_ walkthrough, Lexa had managed to regain her composure and convince herself that Clarke had only been kidding at breakfast that morning. Or maybe not kidding, but that there was no deeper meaning to her suggestion that they go through the exhibit together than because they were friends and frequent scene partners. After all, Clarke had no idea how the brush of her breath against Lexa's skin had set her nerves alight. 

"So how is this going to work?" Lexa asked. 

"We're going to send you through in a few small groups, then edit together the best footage afterward. There isn't a lot of space in there, so we can't send everyone through at once, especially with the cameras." 

"Have the groups already been decided, or...?"

"We thought we would send you and Aden through together," the production staffer said. "Siblings and all that, and you've been around the longest."

"We could do that," Lexa said, "but we were thinking it might be more interesting to see the kids go through together." Charlie flashed her a thumbs up, bouncing on her toes a little. "Charlie and Aden, and maybe Madi."

"Madi isn't—"

"Madi's right here!" Madi said, planting herself in front of the staffer, not quite striking a Wonder Woman pose, but close. "I know I'm not _officially_ here, but I _am_ here, and wouldn't it be _intriguing_ to have me go through, and people don't really know who I am until they watch the season?"

The staffer laughed. They were all used to Madi from set. She was a professional – as professional as a person could be when their life experience spanned barely more than a decade – and a pleasure to work with... but she had some pretty big opinions packed into a small package, and she wasn't afraid to express them when it wouldn't get her in trouble. "It's an idea," he agreed. "Let me just check, okay? Don't want either of us to get in trouble, right?"

"Right," Madi said. She went to where Aden and Charlie were sitting side-by-side on a fake rock and started whispering urgently. Lexa couldn't hear what she was saying, and part of her suspected that was probably a good thing.

A few minutes later the staff member slipped his phone back into his pocket. "We got the green light," he said. "We'll go ahead and send the three kids through together, and—"

"And Clarke and Lexa together!" Madi said. "Right? It just makes sense." 

The staffer looked at them, and they looked at each other. "Fine by me," Lexa said, like it was no big deal. Because it _was_ no big deal. 

"I already called dibs," Clarke said, grinning and slipping a hand between Lexa's arm and her side. "I need someone tough to protect me from the big scary monsters." She winked, and Lexa felt the first rush of blood to her cheeks. God, she wished there was some way to turn that off. 

"Who's going to go first?"

"We will!" Madi piped up. "Right?" She looked at Aden and Charlie, and they nodded. Lexa caught Aden's eye over Madi's head, and he just shrugged back at her. He was an easygoing kid and didn't seem to have a problem being bossed around by the younger girls. Maybe he'd already learned that it was often the path of least resistance. 

"All right," the staffer said, and they prepared the kids to go in while the camera crew got themselves ready. Soon the door opened and the lot of them slipped through, leaving Clarke and Lexa to wait at the entrance. 

"Where's everyone else?" Clarke asked. "I would have thought more of the cast would be here."

"No idea," Lexa admitted. "I didn't pay attention to who was on the list." _Except to make sure that your name was there along with mine._ But she wasn't about to admit _that_. Most of the rest of the cast were a bit older, with longer resumes, and maybe they had something in their contracts that limited the amount of shenanigans they could be subjected to at these kinds of events. Lexa didn't really mind it; things like this were more fun than endless interviews, as far as she was concerned. Given the choice between talking and doing something, she would choose action every time.

_Well, almost..._ , a little voice in the back of her head nudged. She shoved it back. She wasn't talking _or_ acting on that situation, and it was for the best. 

_You keep telling yourself that._

"You'll be glad when this is over, won't you?" Clarke asked. 

"Won't you?" Lexa countered. "Are you having a good time?"

"I'm not having a _bad_ time," Clarke said. "Answering – or dodging answering – the same question a dozen times a day gets tedious, but overall, it's been pretty fun. It was nice getting to see friends from past projects, seeing some of the costumes, meeting some of the fans. Even if most of them have no idea who I am, they were all still really friendly." 

Lexa nodded, biting the inside of her lip. She knew she had no right to complain. How many people out there would love to trade places with her, to get the chance to live this kind of life? But what to them seemed like getting to goof around for a weekend was work to her. She didn't get to just relax and be herself and have a good time. She was putting on an act every minute she might be seen... even when it was only Clarke seeing it. 

"It's just a lot," she finally said. "It gets exhausting."

Clarke slid her hand over Lexa's. "At least you're not alone, right?"

Lexa squeezed her eyes shut, just for a second. _I've never felt more alone in my life._ But she forced a smile and nodded, and Clarke smiled back, and they stayed like that until they heard three sets of feet galloping towards them from the exit of the exhibit.

"That was _so cool_ ," Charlie said. "Like, _so_ cool."

"It really looks like the set!" Madi said. "Like some of the sets are from other seasons that I wasn't in but they did a really good job from what I remember from watching it, which my mom didn't want me to do but I said I could handle it, and I didn't get _too_ many nightmares..."

They laughed, and Clarke wrapped her arm around Madi and squeezed. "Glad you had a good time, kiddo," she said. "I guess that means it's our turn?" She looked at Lexa. 

"Guess so," Lexa said, standing up and straightening her shoulders. "Let's do this."

* * *

"Have I ever mentioned I hate haunted houses?" Clarke hissed, her shoulder digging into Lexa's as they stepped through the door and into almost complete darkness. "Because I hate haunted houses."

"Seriously?" Lexa asked. "I would have thought you loved that kind of thing."

Clarke shook her head. "Nope."

"You like scary movies though," Lexa said. She narrowed her eyes, trying to peer through the fake fog to see where they were going. There was a sliver of light that hinted at the edge of another door, and she made for it. 

"Because movies aren't real," Clarke said. "They're just images on a screen, totally separate from where you are and what's happening around you. If you get freaked out, you can just say, 'Okay, but it's not happening. This movie was shot a year ago at least, and that person on the screen being stalked by a psychotic clown puppet was just a guest star on that show I watched last week, so it's all good.'"

"Haunted houses—"

"Are real," Clarke said, cutting Lexa off. "The things that you're seeing, hearing, feeling... they're in the here and now. They're happening in real life and in real time. Maybe the _danger_ isn't real, but the experience is. And I can't help thinking, 'What if the danger _isn't_ fake? What if there's really someone lurking in the shadows, waiting to—"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Lexa said, her heart pounding harder even though nothing had happened yet. "Nothing's going to happen, though." She found Clarke's hand in the dark and squeezed it, just for a second. "I won't let anything happen."

She pulled open the door and found herself back in season one, picking her way around heaps of garbage in the junkyard that Alicia and her family had scavenged for supplies when they'd had everything they owned stolen by a group of survivors with less scruples. She found herself scanning for a weapon, anything she could pick up and use to take out one of the Infected if they should pop up out of nowhere... and they would. It was only a matter of time, because otherwise what was the point? 

She laughed at herself and narrated the moment, loud enough for the cameras to pick up. "I guess if you play someone long enough they really do become part of you," she said, flashing a smile before going back to scanning for anything creeping up on them, because she would be damned if she let anything or anyone catch her off guard. 

"Shit!" Clarke growled, and Lexa whipped around to find herself face-to-face with an actor in a mask, breath hissing like Darth Vader. 

"This way," she said, grabbing Clarke's arm and stumbling back a step, her heel bumping into something on the ground. She tugged Clarke away from the threat, only to run into another a few steps later. She wondered what would happen if they just stopped, if they let the masked monsters catch up with them, but that wasn't the game, so she kept stumbling along until Clarke found an opening and they crashed through to the next set. 

"Oh god," Lexa groaned. "Not the boat..." 

Clarke snickered, and Lexa dug her elbow into Clarke's side to not so subtly hint that it would be in her best interests to shut up. She had hated the episodes they'd spent on the water. For one, it turned out that Lexa was highly susceptible to seasickness. For another, it had been the most egregious when it came to forcing a romantic subplot onto Alicia, and as far as she was concerned, if she never had to relive any of those memories again, it would _still_ be too soon. 

"Ten bucks says there's an Infected baby around here," Clarke said. 

"Twenty bucks says you're right," Lexa said, flashing a grin and trying to work out the quickest path through this particular maze. 

"How does that even make sense?" Clarke asked. "You can't bet more money to agree with me."

"Can't I?" Lexa asked, then felt something brush her ankle. "Fuck!" she yelled, yanking away. "Damn it!" she yelled, resisting the urge to kick the rotting fake baby away, or stomp on it, or something.

"See?" Clarke said. "Now how do we know who owes who what?"

"We can buy each other drinks when we get out of this," Lexa said, rolling her eyes. "Now get us off of this ship!"

They finally made it to the end, clutching each other's arms and breathing hard from the last dash to the exit door. The camera crew stepped out after them, and they were asked for a few sound bites of their final reactions before being released. 

"My opinions on haunted houses has not changed," Clarke said, off the record. "It feels like my heart is going to explode." She grabbed Lexa's hand and put it to her chest. "Feel it?"

Lexa nodded. She _could_ feel Clarke's heart thumping against her palm. She could also feel a whole lot of other things going on in her own body, considering where her hand currently was. "Drinks?" she suggested.

"No time," her handler said. "You need to get to the meet and greet." 

"Can I at least have a few minutes to make sure I look presentable?" Lexa asked. "I feel like I have fake spiderwebs stuck all over me."

"Sure," he said, leading her to the nearest restroom. 

Clarke followed her in, standing next to her at the sinks, a little too close but Lexa didn't ask her to move. "I don't think I have anything," she said. "I might try to catch up with some friends who messaged me to say they're here."

Lexa glanced at her. She wasn't sure why Clarke was telling her; it wasn't as if she needed Lexa's permission. But it seemed almost like she wanted it, or wanted... something. "Sounds like fun," she said.

"You could join us when you're done," Clarke said. "If you want."

_No,_ Lexa thought. _No way in hell._ Because meeting old friends felt too much like meeting family, like it added a layer of intimacy to the relationship that she wasn't ready for. Like it would mean more to her than it did to Clarke, and she couldn't do that to herself. She _couldn't_.

"Sure," she said. "Just text me where."

* * *

"Did you have a good time?" Clarke asked, when they were back in their room, tipsy but not drunk, their stomachs groaning with too much good food and strained from laughter. 

"Yes," Lexa said, and meant it. Despite her fears that it would be awkward, that it would be all inside jokes and 'you had to be there', that she would spend the entire time feeling like an outsider looking in, it hadn't been like that at all. Clarke's friends had welcomed her as if she'd been part of their crew all along and had gone out of their way to make her feel included. Most of them, anyway, and Lexa got the feeling that the ones that didn't, the ones that had rubbed her the wrong way, weren't people that Clarke particularly liked either. A lot of them worked in various aspects of the entertainment industry, so there had been a lot of 'shop talk' where it was easy to find common ground. Even if she didn't know the specifics of a particular production that someone was telling a funny story about, Lexa knew enough from her current and past jobs to be able to imagine it and laugh along with them.

"Good," Clarke said, grabbing her pajamas. "They all loved you. Obviously. Everyone loves you." She shut the door of the bathroom, and Lexa heard the sink come on as her smile fell and shattered.

_Not everyone,_ she thought. _Not you._

They finished getting ready for bed, and Lexa tried not to cringe as Clarke crawled in beside her. Soon the only light in the room was the glow of their phones, and then only Lexa's phone when Clarke finished scrolling through various feeds and put her phone down, murmuring a soft good night before rolling over so her back was to Lexa.

Lexa put her own phone away so the light wouldn't disturb Clarke, and because she knew if she didn't sleep soon, tomorrow was going to be a nightmare.

_As if I'm not already living one,_ Lexa thought. She could feel the warmth of Clarke's body saturating the sheets and filling the space between them, impossible to ignore. Clarke's breathing had evened out, and it was so unfair that she could just fall asleep, just like that, like this wasn't a big deal, like sharing a bed wasn't torture, like...

Lexa forced herself to close her eyes, but they popped open again a few minutes later. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't. She slid out from under the covers and grabbed her pillow, then went to the closet and rifled around for the spare blanket she'd seen on the shelf. She found a patch of floor big enough to lay down on and wrapped herself up, turning the blanket into an impromptu sleeping bag. She pressed her face hard into the pillow and let it soak up the tears that rose up in place of screams.

She heard rustling in the bed and forced herself to be still, waiting for Clarke to settle again. But the rustling got louder, and she heard Clarke's intake of breath before her voice, soft but urgent, split the dark. "Lexa?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let you know that I'll be taking a posting hiatus for the month of July, so I'll just leave y'all to dangle off this cliff until August... sorry not sorry. ;-)


	6. Chapter 6

_Don't move,_ Lexa told herself. _Don't breathe. Just..._

But if she didn't answer, and she didn't come back to bed in a few minutes like she'd just been in the bathroom, Clarke might get up to look for her, and what would she do then? What reasonable explanation did she have for why she was on the floor... other than the truth, which was that she couldn't stand to be in close proximity to Clarke anymore because when she was, all she could think about was how much she wanted to—

"Lexa?" Clarke called again. 

_Shit shit shit shit shit._ Could she get up quietly enough to pretend she _had_ just been in the bathroom? Maybe if she crawled... But how would she explain the fact that she had her pillow and a blanket with her? If she left them, she would still have to explain them in the morning, unless she woke up before Clarke and cleaned everything up... but if she went back to the bed, she would need her pillow, and—

She heard Clarke moving, knew she only had a minute, two at the most, before Clarke would get up and, within a few steps, trip over her. Her heart hammered in her chest and she thought she might hyperventilate. But she had to say something. Maybe she could just say she was overheated. That was a plausible enough explanation, with traces of alcohol still lingering in her system, and the air conditioning in the hotel not entirely up to the task of combating the body heat of thousands of people. 

"Here," she managed to croak. "I'm here."

"Where?" Clarke asked. At least she'd stopped moving.

"Down here," Lexa said. 

Clarke crawled back on the bed, leaning over Lexa's side to where she now felt helplessly, hopelessly tangled in her blanket. "What are you doing down there?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Lexa said, but her voice came out more of a squeak. "I just—"

"That can't be comfortable," Clarke said. "Come back—"

"I can't," Lexa said. "Clarke, I'm sorry. I just... I can't."

Silence, and for a second Lexa dared to hope that Clarke would let it go, even though Clarke never let anything go. Once she had an idea, or decided on a course of action, that was it. She would see it through to the end. And now her mission was to get Lexa back in bed. 

_Fuck._

"What's wrong?" Clarke asked, and her voice was softer and less certain than Lexa had ever heard it. "You've been... not yourself... all weekend. Did I do something?"

Lexa swallowed a bitter laugh. _Exist,_ she thought. _You exist, and I don't know how to deal with that because you're everything I've ever wanted and—_

She couldn't say that. What kind of monster would she be if she said that? And it wasn't even really true; Clarke's existence wasn't the problem. It was her own reaction to said existence, to Clarke, to everything she wanted and couldn't have... 

She choked on another sound, but this time it was a sob. "Have you ever wanted something _so badly_ that it's all you can think about? Wanted it so much that it becomes painful?" 

Silence again, this one longer and so complete it was as if they were both holding their breath. The only sound Lexa could hear was the rush of blood in her head. She wanted to get up, to run, to be anywhere but here because she felt so fucking transparent she was sure Clarke could see right through her, even in the dark. But she was still tangled up, and her limbs were frozen, locked in place, and—

"Come back to bed," Clarke said softly. "Please."

It was the 'please' that did it. Tears stung Lexa's eyes as she picked herself up, grabbing her pillow and clutching it to her chest as she took one tentative step back toward the bed, then another. She could barely make out the pale smudge of Clarke's face, and she certainly couldn't read her expression, but slowly, tentatively, she eased herself onto the bed.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt something brush her arm before she realized it was Clarke, easing the pillow out of her grip and laying it back in its place, then scooting back over to her own side to make room. Gingerly, Lexa slid her legs under the blankets and settled back into the bed, every muscle in her body tensed like she was surrounded by monsters who might lunge at any second, and she had to be ready, she had to—

"What do you want?" Clarke asked, close but not too close... or maybe not close enough, Lexa didn't even know anymore. "Whatever it is, just tell me."

Lexa shook her head. "I can't," she said, the words rasping around the lump in her throat. "If I tell you..." _Everything changes. If I tell you, I lose you, because that's how it works. Love is a weakness I can't afford._

"Please," Clarke said, and she was closer now. If she wanted to, she could touch Lexa. If Lexa wanted to, she could touch Clarke. And holy shit, did she want to, but— " _Please_ , babe, whatever it is—"

"Kiss you," Lexa gasped, tears welling up and spilling over. "I want to kiss you, have wanted to kiss you all weekend, but even before that, and this—" She gestured between their bodies, only there wasn't enough space and her hand brushed against Clarke's chest, and Clarke caught it, held it there with one hand while the other grazed up Lexa's arm to her shoulder, her neck, her cheek and then—

The whole world stopped.

Everything was silent and still as Clarke's lips met Lexa's, soft at first, then not so soft when Lexa's brain caught up with her body and she tilted her head to meet Clarke's mouth more fully, her tongue darting out to trace the soft curve of Clarke's lower lip, and then she pulled back because it was too much, it had to be too much, there was no way—

The sound Clarke made was somewhere between a whimper and a moan as their lips parted, and she pressed harder against Lexa before relaxing back, her eyes cracking open, and Lexa wondered if she looked as dazed as Clarke did before she blinked herself back into reality.

"I would have just done it," Clarke said, "but I couldn't find your face."

Lexa laughed, a startled gasp of sound, and clenched her fingers around Clarke's as best she could. "You knew?" she asked.

Clarke shook her head, then shrugged. "I suspected," she said softly, "but then I thought maybe I was projecting, and I didn't want to... make things weird, I guess, if I was wrong. I didn't want to risk what we have – our friendship, our working relationship – if I was seeing things that weren't actually there."

"Me too," Lexa said. "All of that."

"Then we're okay," Clarke said, not a question. 

"We're okay," Lexa agreed, letting her hand finally rest on Clarke's waist, the tips of her fingers brushing bare skin where Clarke's shirt had ridden up, and they both shivered and pulled each other closer, and Lexa's heart beat double time as their mouths met again, the press and glide of lips giving way to the gentle exploration of tongues, a give and take of boldness and uncertainty, of too far and not far enough. 

Lexa shuddered when Clarke's fingers found their way under her t-shirt and traced the curve of her ribs, her thumb brushing the underside of her breast, wanting simultaneously to slow down and speed up, and she didn't know which was the better choice. She'd been waiting so long for this, but it had only been minutes, and she didn't want there to be any regrets in the morning. But who was to say she wouldn't regret _not_ taking the opportunity when it was presented? Their plane might crash tomorrow. They might not get a second chance. But if they took things too far, too fast, and Clarke freaked out—

"Hey," Clarke said, her hands going still but not leaving Lexa's skin. "Don't go where I can't follow."

Lexa sighed, pressing her face into Clarke's neck and nuzzled the underside of her jaw. "I want you," she said. "I want this. All of this. But I don't want..."

Clarke tipped up her face. "You don't want what?"

"I don't want you to change your mind," she said. "There was a girl once..."

Clarke shook her head. "Not going to happen," she said. "This isn't... this isn't just some spur of the moment thing. I've been... this has been building since the day, since the moment we met. For me."

"For me, too," Lexa said. 

"So trust me," Clarke said. "I know it's hard, but—"

"I do trust you, Clarke," Lexa whispered. 

"Then kiss me," Clarke whispered back. "And don't stop."

Lexa leaned in and their lips met, and if what they'd done before was kissing, then this was _Kissing_ , which started with their mouths but involved their whole bodies, and Clarke shoved the covers back to haul Lexa closer, tugging her firmly over the invisible line that Lexa had been struggling all weekend to stay on her side of. But there wasn't a line anymore. There didn't need to be. There was no her side and Clarke's side; they were finally on the same side, on the same page, and—

Lexa gasped as Clarke's thumb slid over her nipple, feeling the skin pucker into a stiff point that Clarke traced around and around before palming Lexa's breast and squeezing, just a little, as her lips slid across Lexa's cheek and down her neck. 

"I'm supposed... to be the one... kissing _you_..." Lexa panted. Clarke just looked at her and smirked before dipping her tongue into the divet at the hollow of Lexa's throat where her pulse fluttered frantically beneath her skin. "You _said_ \--"

"Shh," Clarke whispered, her breath ghosting over the damp trail her tongue had left in its wake. "Relax." She sat up, and pulled Lexa to her, letting Lexa claim another kiss, and then another, as Clarke gathered up her shirt and eased it up her ribs, up to her shoulders so that Lexa had no choice but to raise her arms, and then it was being pulled up and away and dropped unceremoniously by the bed as Clarke pressed her down again. 

"Do you still want to be the one doing the kissing?" Clarke asked, her chin resting on Lexa's sternum, her fingertips hooked into the waistband of the boxers she'd put on to sleep. Lexa's head tossed on the pillow, and she didn't mean for it to be a no, but she was sure Clarke would take it that way, and it wasn't as if Lexa was in any position to argue with her. Clarke pressed a trail of kisses down to Lexa's belly button, inching the elastic down as she went. "What about now?" 

Lexa lifted her hips, and her boxers quickly joined her t-shirt, and Lexa shivered but not from cold as Clarke eased her thighs apart and licked and nipped her way from knee to hip, nuzzling into the crux where leg joined body and setting Lexa's nerves on fire. "Now?" Clarke asked. 

"Don't stop," Lexa rasped, her throat already raw from gasping in dry hotel air. " _Please._ "

"That's what I thought," Clarke said, and kissed her again, her tongue darting out to taste her, and Lexa made a sound she didn't think she'd ever made before, a sound that she didn't think she'd ever heard _anyone_ make before, a sound that barely seemed human, but then she barely _felt_ human in that moment, having been reduced to an almost primal state of desire.

Lexa felt Clarke's grip on her thighs tighten as she buried her tongue between her legs and then worked back up to her clit, circling and sucking and thrusting and then repeating it all again, experimenting until she found the sequence and rhythm that made Lexa thrash and buck and finally smash a pillow over her face to keep whoever was in the next room from overhearing as she lost all control and came. Hard. Hard enough her entire body that wasn't pinned by Clarke lifted off the bed, then collapsed back again as the wave broke and ebbed. 

Clarke wiped her mouth on the sheet and slid up to Lexa's side, twining around her with more tenderness than Lexa had imagined her capable of. She gathered Lexa against her like she might shatter into a thousand tiny shards if she applied too much pressure, and a spike of fear went through Lexa. Was she just being this gentle because she didn't want to overwhelm Lexa, or was her touch so tentative because she was having second thoughts? 

_Trust me,_ Clarke's voice echoed in her head.

_I do trust you._

_Then kiss me._

Lexa gathered herself together, summoning the will and energy to move, to press herself against Clarke hard enough to make it clear she wasn't fragile. If wanting Clarke and thinking she couldn't have her hadn't broken her, finally getting her heart's desire certainly wouldn't. She nuzzled Clarke's jaw until she tipped her face down and Lexa kissed her, not rough but insistent. Clarke's arms tightened around her and Lexa felt like she could breathe again. 

_Kiss me and don't stop._ But she had to stop long enough to pull Clarke's shirt off over her head, and there was another pause when their legs got tangled in the sheets as Clarke tried to help Lexa relieve her of her panties, but once they'd sorted that out... 

"Yes," Clarke whispered, her lips brushing Lexa's ear as she placed a kiss at the place where jaw shaded into neck, and then another an inch lower, and then another until she'd reached the slope of Clarke's shoulder and began her descent along her collarbone. She felt Clarke's fingers slide into her hair, not tugging or trying to force her head anywhere but exactly where it was, just softly combing through the strands, and Lexa let out a sigh as she felt the last of the tension that had built in that split second of doubt ease away.

"You are so beautiful," she murmured against Clarke's heart, and Clarke made a soft sound that might have been a laugh but sounded almost like a scoff, and Lexa looked up, pushing herself up so she could see Clarke's face. "You are," she said. "You have to know—"

"Do I?" Clarke asked, lines forming between her brows, crinkling the center of her forehead. "There are plenty of people who would disagree with you." 

"And not a single one of them is here," Lexa said. "It's just you and me, and to me you're beautiful. Amazing. Confusing. Dazzling. Engaging, fierce, gor—"

"Are you just going down the alphabet?" Clarke asked, her lips pursed as she fought back a smile. 

Lexa took advantage of the expression to steal a kiss. "Do you not want me to continue?" she asked. 

"I admit I'm curious as to what you would come up with for X without cheating, but..." Clarke pulled Lexa into another kiss, "if you're listing off words, you're not kissing me, and I do seem to remember you being rather insistent that there was kissing you were supposed to be doing, so..."

Lexa knew how to take a hint. She also knew, as it turned out, how to make Clarke gasp and squirm and moan and writhe, her back arching as Lexa's fingers slipped between her legs, tracing slowly up through the slick folds and back down again, pressing into her a little further each time, Clarke's breath hot against her lips and cheek as she asked for more, and more, and more. She knew how to draw Clarke out, and knew how to ease her back down again after she peaked once, and then, Lexa thought, again. 

"Is that—" she started to ask, but Clarke's lips found hers and the kiss was all the answer she needed. 

The world was soft and hazy, and Lexa thought maybe she dozed, but she knew she wasn't dreaming because no dream she'd ever had could compare to the reality of Clarke in her arms (or her in Clarke's arms, or both if that was possible...) and Clarke's fingers in her hair again, the just barely there touch of her lips.

"Gorgeous," Lexa whispered, "hard-working, intelligent, just, kind..."

"Shh," Clarke breathed. "Tell me in the morning..."


	7. Chapter 7

They were the last ones to breakfast the next morning, but it was final day of the con and no one really cared at this point. It was especially hard to care when one had been eased awake by the gentlest of touches and sweetest of kisses, and opened one's eyes to the sunshine caught in the golden hair of the woman they had been falling for as long as they had known her, smiling down like some kind of angel and proving her divinity by...

Lexa let out a soft huff of breath, and Clarke looked over, one finger brushing the back of Lexa's hand as if to ask, 'Are you all right?' Lexa smiled at her and shook her head slightly. "Internal narrative took a metaphor too far," she said. 

Clarke's eyebrows went up. "Care to share?" 

"Thinks angels and where they take you..."

Clarke laughed. "Are there levels of heaven like there are of hell? Because I'm pretty sure I reached—"

Lexa cleared her throat. "Good morning, Madi," she said. "Good morning, Charlie."

"Good moooorning," they chorused. 

"You two look like you slept well," Madi said. "I _knew_ you would like that room better." She waggled her eyebrows, and there was something almost suggestive about it, like she knew what they'd been up to, like she'd—

Lexa stopped a few steps from the table. There was no way. She was just a _kid_. They were all just _kids_. She found Aden, who was still seated, focusing just a little too hard on cutting up his waffle, like if he didn't do it exactly on the lines the whole thing would be ruined. There were spots of color high on his cheeks that was quickly spreading to his ears like they always did when he got embarrassed, and when he glanced up and caught Lexa's eye, he froze like a deer in the headlights. 

She forced herself closer, leaning in to hiss, "What. Did. You. Do?"

He gulped, the hint of an Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "Nothing!" he said. "We didn't do anything. I mean, Madi asked you to switch rooms, but you said yes! And then we came up with the plan for the three of us to go through the maze-thing, so you and Clarke would have to go together, but that was a good idea anyway, and production agreed to it! So we really didn't _do_ anything. We just had some ideas!"

"Some _great_ ideas," Madi said. 

Charlie bit her lip. "You're not really mad, are you? You didn't look mad before..."

Lexa dared a glance at Clarke, who had turned away, her shoulders shaking, and for a second Lexa almost _was_ mad, because for a second she thought Clarke had been in on it the entire time, and now they were all laughing at her, and sure, all was well that ended well, but she didn't like being made a fool of. She didn't—

But then Clarke turned to look at her, her eyes streaming with tears from trying to hold in her laughter. "We just... totally... got played... by a bunch of tweens," she gasped. "We knew they were up to something, but—"

"So it worked?" Madi asked. "You actually admitted you're totally in love with each other? _Finally?_ "

Lexa looked at Clarke again, and Clarke smiled and slid into her arms. "Finally," Clarke said, her lips brushing Lexa's neck as she tucked her face there. 

The kids cheered, even Aden, and the clamor of their excitement over the success of their matchmaking scheme covered up Lexa's answer, a single soft word in Clarke's ear: "Loved..."

* * *

****

One Year Later

"Ready for this?" Clarke asked, tucking back a wisp of Lexa's hair that had managed to work its way loose.

Lexa smiled. "As I'll ever be," she said. She reached for Clarke's hand and squeezed it, and considered not letting go as they moved into the space to sit down for their first interview, but thought better of it at the last moment and let go. Clarke looked over at her, concern furrowing her forehead, but Lexa just smiled again to reassure her.

The truth was, she wasn't afraid of what interviewers might ask. Not about the show, not about her – their – personal life, because she didn't have anything to hide... or at least she was willing to share enough that she could deflect anything that got _too_ personal without making it look like she was hiding something. For the first time, she was actually looking forward to doing press, because she knew that most, if not all, of it would be done with Clarke at her side. And for once there was plenty to talk about without having to dodge potential spoilers for next season. 

They took their seats on a small couch, their interviewer perched on a chair across from them. She stood up to greet them, shaking their hands and introducing herself while her camera person made a few last adjustments. Finally they were given a thumbs up that everything was ready, and after the interviewer did a brief introduction of herself and who she was sitting down with, she turned her attention to them. 

"So," she said, looking like she was trying to keep a straight face and mostly failing, "we might as well talk about the elephant in the room." They all laughed, knowing what was coming. It would almost certainly be the first question they were asked in every interview. "There were a lot of people who were quite shocked by the twist at the end of last season."

_The twist._ Lexa almost rolled her eyes. 

"Was it a twist, though?" Clarke asked, voicing Lexa's thoughts. 

It hadn't been a _twist_ , it had been a _kiss_. If Clarke's character had been male, people would have seen it coming a mile away, been talking about it for weeks leading up to the actual moment, and when it happened, they would have been punching the air and shouting, "Finally!" Which was pretty much exactly what she and Clarke had done when they'd been given the script for the finale. 

Lexa sat up a little straighter. "Honestly, the most shocking thing for me was how shocked people were. For me – for us – " She shot a quick glance at Clarke, who nodded. "—it felt like the groundwork for that moment had been being laid all season. At first just in the chemistry between the two characters, but later we started to see hints in the script. And finally it just hit a breaking point—

"A boiling point," Clarke chimed in. "The flame was sparked pretty much the minute they met, and as the heat got turned up over the course of the season, things started to simmer, and finally it hit the boiling point and they couldn't deny it anymore." 

Her eyes flicked to Lexa, who fought back a smile. They didn't know _anything_ about that, did they?

Their interviewer nodded. "That makes sense. Is it safe to say that we will be seeing more of that relationship – how things play out – next season?"

At that, Lexa did smile. "Well, when we left them they were going two different directions, and this is _The Infected_ , so I don't know if 'safe' is a word I would ever use. But assuming they do find their way back to each other... yes, it's safe to say we'll see the fallout of that moment."

"It certainly seems like they _want_ to find their way back to each other. What was Alicia's line? 'Don't go—'"

"'Don't go where I can't follow,'" Lexa said. 

"Which wasn't in the script," Clarke added. "That was an ad lib." 

"Really?" The interviewer looked back and forth between them before her attention landed back on Lexa. "What made you think of it?"

Lexa felt a faint flush rise to her cheeks. _Clarke,_ she thought, but she couldn't say that. She wasn't going to tell the world that the line that had become one of the most quoted of the season, had been something Clarke had whispered to her when doubt had crept in their first night together and she'd started to spiral...

"Alicia knew she couldn't ask Elyza not to go," Lexa said, "no matter how much she might want to. Lolah had been taken, and with everything that had happened, with losing her mom and then almost losing Corey, she knew that there was no way she could ask Elyza to not go after Lolah and get her back. But she also couldn't just let her go and say _nothing_... so she said, 'Don't go where I can't follow.'

"Meaning...?" 

"Meaning, 'I know you have to do this, I know you have to go, and I know I can't stop you and I'm not going to try. But know that I'm here, that I'll be waiting, and please, please come back, or if you can't come back, at least don't go somewhere where I can't find you. Because if you don't come back, I will come find you. I won't stop until I do find you. I can't lose anyone else.' Basically, 'Please don't die, because it just might kill me.'"

Clarke's fingers brushed Lexa's, and Lexa knew she was remembering that moment, how real and raw it had felt, how for a few moments they'd forgotten that they were on a set, surrounded by cameras and microphones and everything else. For a moment, they'd really been saying goodbye and feeling like their hearts were being torn from their chests. 

Their interviewer glanced down, not missing the gesture, but she didn't comment on it. "And what was the significance of Elyza's response, or lack thereof?" she asked. 

"I wouldn't say she didn't respond," Clarke said. "She didn't respond in words, but I think a lot was said in that look. She knew that she couldn't promise Alicia she would come back. That's not a promise you make in a world like that. Especially when you know you're heading straight into the jaws of the beast to save someone else that you love. But even without saying anything, Alicia knew that Elyza would do everything in her power to get back to her. Or die trying."

The words hung in the air, until finally their interviewer cleared her throat. "Fair enough," she said. "I know I, for one, hope that they do find each other again. It was obvious from the start that there was chemistry between the two of you, both as characters and as actors, and I know I'm not alone in wanting to see that continue and see how it plays out." 

She paused, glanced down at the notecard she had been clutching the entire time, and cleared her throat again. "Now, I'm not trying to overstep, and you can tell me if I am, but I wanted to ask... 

Lexa and Clarke looked at each other. They'd known this was coming, or was likely to come, and they'd already talked about how they would handle it if it did. 

"There have been rumors that that chemistry has bled over into your personal relationship..."

Clarke smiled. "It's more the other way around, I think."

Their interviewer blinked, like she hadn't expected to actually get a straight answer. No pun intended, and Lexa had to swallow back a laugh.

"So you're confirming that the two of you are together?"

"It was never really a secret," Lexa said, and it hadn't been. They hadn't advertised it, and had managed somehow to mostly keep their names and faces off the celebrity gossip sites, but they hadn't ever tried to hide it, either. They'd just lived their lives like any other couple and hoped for the best. 

"Didn't we hold hands at the premier?" Clarke asked.

Lexa smirked. "Just gals being pals." Clarke laughed. "But yeah, the people close to us have known from the start. 

Clarke laughed again. "The people close to us knew before we did!"

This finally drew a smile from their interviewer. "I feel like there's a story there."

"There definitely is," Clarke said. "It actually started at this convention last year."

"When a certain three young someones decided to play matchmaker," Lexa continued.

"And one of them – who shall remain nameless because giving her credit will only encourage her – " Clarke grinned, "convinced us to switch rooms so she would be closer to the other kids."

"And we knew they were acting a little strange, but I chalked it up to pre-con jitters, and it _seemed_ legit," Lexa added. "So we go to our room..."

They looked at each other, laughter in their eyes, and said in unison, "... and there was _only one bed_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the ride!


End file.
